“Another Day”

CW: Suicide / Drug Abuse

Introduction:

This project narrative piece titled “Another Day” that explores themes of the isolating effects of depression, drug abuse, and suicide. The series is made up mostly of performative self-portraiture in which I depict suicide induced by a drug overdose. The title is important to me because it connects to the idea that when someone commits suicide it is just another day. Tying together how this issue rarely affects individuals outside of the victim’s circle and the idea that even those that see the individual on that day could have perceived it as any other day. Saturation is an important detail as it is lower in every photo until turning black and white upon death. The exception being “Overcome” which is oversaturated as it represents the high or the relief associated with the first pill. The high contrast values emphasize the intentional light choices and add to the somber tone of the pieces. A portion of the works utilizes long exposure in order to form this extra-dimensional reality making certain feelings that are invisible now observable. Titles focus heavily on the power of drug abuse and how it can be overpowering or seen as an anchor drowning the individual and the immense pressure and isolation felt in those moments, despite the viewer later seeing that they weren’t alone. What I see as my role and the importance of such intense imagery is simulating the trauma of witnessing those experiences so that it engages others in conversations on the topic

Poem 1 – Another Day

I fought my way eventually out of bed,

I got up and ready for the cause I am not yet dead,

I kept my anxieties at bay,

Because it was another day,

I ran to my errands,

I waited to hear from my friend who cares and

But I missed them and it’s okay,

Because it was another day,

I ran around trying to be the best I can,

Trying to be there for everyone when no one else can,

Even though sometimes I feel they won’t be there for me no matter what I say,

But it’s okay because it was another day,

I returned home at the end,

I decided not to press send,

I was exhausted and felt alone,

I was defeated and felt the need to atone,

I saw the bottle and an easy press and twist cap,

I saw a solution to my many continuous problems flowing like a broken tap,

Anything was easier…

Then another day.

Overcome

Solution

Losing Battle

My Anchor

Look, I Need Help

Only you, can help yourself

Poem 2 – Drowning

It felt like drowning,

I just kept sinking,

Reaching to the light with no prevail,

The light waning the deeper I got,

The water becoming murky creating a veil,

I felt the weight of the world above me,

I couldn’t breathe, so I couldn’t scream,

1000 leagues under the sea,

That’s what I felt,

My body gasped for help,

I tried to stop but it was an involuntary response,

The murky cold darkness seeped into my lungs and extremities,

I could feel it envelop me,

I felt witness to my demise,

I no longer felt like it was me, every day a reprise,

Now a toy that had fallen from the shelf to be kicked around and lost,

So I stopped fighting,

So my body stopped convulsing,

Leaving my body to rest on the ocean floor,

So alone I kept an open door…

Open Door

Pinned at the Bottom

Moonlit Tears

Poem 3 – The Next Day

I was too late,

Now I’ll always remember this date,

I wish I could’ve been there,

No!

I should have been there,

There is no god and there is no fate,

Cause nothing is fair and there is only hate,

Why’d you leave,

This is a dream,

Need to wake up,

Every step is heavier but feels empty,

What I could have done haunts me,

Now I feel alone,

But that’s probably how you felt,

What have I done for this pain I’ve been delivered for which I must atone,

Still, this is an ongoing nightmare,

Which is nothing like you endured … I fear.

Martyr Fallacy

Thank you for looking through my photographic project and poetry. Please take some time, talk to loved ones, and take a deep breath. I hope that my work has been insightful for raising the awareness of how for some people this might just be another day, but for others it is their last. If you or a loved one has suicidal thoughts please reach out.

Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255